Hallowed Imbolc

HALLOWED IMBOLC AND HAIL BRIGID!!

Greetings and Happy Imbolc! Don't forget to bust out them besoms and sweep out them cobwebs to celebrate the beginning of the light season. The sun is coming back and so are the birds, and valentines day is right around the corner! This is the Sabbat of Brigid, the triple goddess of poetry, healing, and blacksmithy.

Missing You

Pictured: My Father, Robert (RIP) and my daughter, Nevaeh, when she was 5.

you know? I can't even express how much it means to me to see these pictures of you two together. I would have given anything to be there and see you play together. My imagining of it is truly sublime, and these pictures come to life in my mind's eye when i look at them. You had just gotten back home from china and I remember being so sure I was going to punch you in the face when you got there, for being gone so damn long, but you and people were so cruel to me for missing you, but you have always been my best friend, Dad. Biggest Rival too, but just cause I always admired you for doing things your own way without apology and standing out in the crowd wherever me went. Anyway, that first hug when you got home let me know why I spent so long angry and irreverent while you gone, I was alone and alienated from everyone; taking constant beatings for looking like you, for missing you, for having a similar sense of humor. I don't think she could help it, Mom. I'm sure it hurt something awful to know you've lost someone truly magical in your life who fought hard for you and made time for all of us even though you were holding down two full time jobs to keep us all afloat. Still always down to play around with us, and keep us all smiling and laughing, even through the tragedies we had to endure. we always always found a way to get each other laughing, especially at ourselves and when it was technically frowned upon. We Literally put the fun in funeral old man, we really do.
I lost myself completely when i felt you take off. I'm sorry. I thought I would be able to handle it better than that, but I really wasn't ready to be in the world without you again. First day in our new home too, it broke me, admittedly. I tried to do right by you and bring your family back together again and throw a party like you wanted. They didn't show up, and they did the whole thing without you or me, and I was ashamed that I let you down. I don't know why they hate me, I've always done the best I could to be respectful to my brother and mother like you taught me, but I really just can't understand that level of violence. It's been a couple years now, and I have to just know they aren't ever coming. I can't let it continue to be an excuse to why I am not me anymore. I don't know if you can see what's going on, but I hope i did the right thing. In my mind, you would be smacking me upside the head for doubting myself about now.
I made it through some really violently difficult events recently, and I found myself again. I knew who i was the whole time, ever since I was little, but i got lost for a while there all the same. It took some pretty heavy trauma to wake me back up, but I know I won't let it happen again. I'm stronger now, I remembered who I am finally, and although I still got some bullshit to iron out, I'm back on my path now. It's strange not being able to call you and have you let me know I am a dumbass when I doubt myself. So silly how much I actually relied on that. That's the difference this time, the worlds a lot colder without you on it. I miss the way you made everyone around you glow, and you always had my back, even from the other side of the world.

Dad,
I can't believe it's been so long since you past on, but I imagine you're out there riding dragons or drinking mead on a longboat with a troupe of Vikings. My Father and Daughter